Continuing with the memories of 2012: March 6, 2012 is a day I’ll always remember as it was the day I had to have a talk with #BrittaniChantal about her early doctor’s appointment. Dr. Etzl, her oncologist told us that her cancer is far advanced and he felt it was time to enroll her into the hospice program for more critical care. We talked in detail about establishing Advanced Directives, Do Not Resuscitate Orders, her final Five Wishes (The Five Wishes form is an advanced care directive) and what being admitted to the hospice programs meant for her. It was one of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had to have next to telling her that she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer that she likely wouldn’t outlive 5 years prior. This has been one hell of a journey … good, great, bad, ugly, filled with many miracles, unsure days, battle weary days, soul numbing days and everything in between.
I remember desperately trying to hold back my tears and my grief, but Brit wouldn’t have any of it! She told me she was alright with what the doctors were saying and even being signed up with the hospice program. She told me that I had to be ok too, because her faith was in God … that He was talking to her daily and giving her instructions on what was to be. Basically, she said God was her determining factor because of her faith was in Him and not shag her doctors were speaking over her life.
I then pulled out 2 copies of the Five Wishes form from a manilla envelope and presented it to her. I said to Brit, “the counselor at the Children’s hospital said you should complete this ASAP, but I told her we would need 2 forms. She looked at me strange, wondering why but before she could ask the question, I answers it. I told her I needed one for you and one for me because as I told you at the beginning of this fight, I will be here WITH YOU every step of the way. I would gladly travel to the ends of the world with and for you even if I had to carry you on my back.” The look of joy and peace on her face is another precious memory that I will cherish for the rest of my days here on earth.
Together, we laid in her bed and went through each of the questions. 1. The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can’t. 2. The kind of medical treatment I want and don’t want. 3. How comfortable I want to be. 4. How I want people to treat me. 5. What I want my loved ones to know. We shed a few tears and prayed together as we each completed our forms then shared our answers with each other.
She was VERY clear in her desires for how this time was going to go and she was particularly clear about how she did NOT want ANY vigils at her bedside or in the home because she was very much alive. She also told me how this talk and recent change in her care only fueled her desire to fight even harder. She told me she was not and will not be sad or afraid because she trusted whatever God’s Will was for her life. Period! This was NOT up for discussion.
As her mom, I respected WHATEVER she desired and committed myself to making sure that each and every thing she had written was strictly enforced to the tee.
FN: This is a short excerpt from my book, “Un-masked, Un-Broken, Healed & Set Free” which will be published later this year (2019). The month of March leading up to #Brits final moments in April is filled with many memories that I will continue to share from time to time throughout the month. Thanks for your time in reading, sharing and for the many warm thoughts and prayers that continue to come my way even now. ♥️🙏🏾
#journeythroughgrief #healingjourney #griefsupport #childlosssupport #childlosssurvivor #childlossawareness #childlossgrief #childhoodcancer #angelmomma #heartofanangelmom #BrittaniChantal
If it hurts, it CAN heal. #GOT #GiftOfTime #GOTFoundationInc